So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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