You can't motorboat a personality
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
