i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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