Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
