wanna go halves on a baby?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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