just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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