Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
