I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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