update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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