I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
