i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
