Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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