Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm always down for nudity.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize