I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
