so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
