The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize