I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
