I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize