At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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