I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
do herpes really smell.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
