Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
