He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize