I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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