he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
