I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
