Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
