forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
