Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
