Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
