i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I want to be your penis for a week.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
