Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
