In the future we'll all be gay
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
