They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think I just sharted jello shots
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
