More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
