Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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