last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
