I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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