Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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