Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
