So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
