that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
