Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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