My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
