i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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