While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He felt like a one man threesome
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
