remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize