now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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