if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
