i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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