Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
