I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize