I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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