I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it's like iHOP with fire
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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