um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
