she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
