Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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