I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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