I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
