i don't like sucking hair
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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