Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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